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An Ode To Tarte's Clay Liner

If you buy one thing this payday, make it this new clay liner from Tarte.
It's their 'Tarteist Clay Paint Liner' (£22.00) which also comes with a double ended brush. (Yes, one side is purposely bent...)
Tarte sadly isn't easily available in the UK, the only place without ordering from Sephora is through QVC UK, where I buy all of my Tarte products from and they always have great introductory prices and sets put together- as well as a great money back guarantee if you don't like the product!

My usual go to eyeliner, Stila Stay All Day was running extremely low and although eyeliner is one of my least favourite beauty items to purchase, this has re-stored all the fun and love for doing liner.
This is a jet black formula which will stay put all day long, as well as giving you a matte finish. It's inky matte black and totally smudge proof- if you make a mistake applying this, you're going to need a good eye make up remover to sort it out.
It glides on like a dream as a really creamy formula before drying in place, and it didn't irritate my sensitive eyes.
The super fine, skinny brushes on both ends of the brush provided make creating a perfect, polished flick super easy. It's strange how such a little thing such as having a slightly bent brush makes application so much easier.

The packaging is gorgeous, simple and sophisticated, and the liner being in a tube means there's going to be no issues with drying out like I experience with my liner pens.
I think this is my new 'Holy Grail' eyeliner and if you're looking to try something new, make it this, you will not be disappointed.


The Brow Product Everyone's Talking About

Unless you've been living under a rock for the past year, you'll know about the Anastasia Beverly Hills Brow Wiz. 
As much as I love my Dipbrow Pomade, I've been wanting to try something that looks more 'natural' recently and my NARS Brow Perfecter is too light for me, so I finally joined the bandwagon and purchased Brow Wiz from BeautyBay. I got the shade Ebony the same as my Pomade because I have black hair (well, 90% black at the moment.)

I've never been a fan of brow pencils, I've always been a brush and wax kind of person, but Brow Wiz has changed everything!
This product is totally worth the hype surrounding it, delivering a quick and easy way to create a natural looking brow, both thick and bushy or really fine and pointed.
Not only does it have an amazing crayon, but it's also equipped with a fat spoolie which is the perfect shape and size for combing your natural brows into your desired position- it's also great for blending product into your brows.
I love that I don't have to apply any pressure at all for the crayons colour to appear on my brows, just the softest touch is needed, which means the crayons going to last a lot longer because I'm not pushing down so much product.

As long as you have your correct shade, you seriously cannot do no wrong with this, it's totally fool proof and it won't be smudging through the day!

You can buy Brow Wiz from BeautyBay in the UK for £15.50.


A Walking Trigger Warning

I had a job interview this morning, and I suppose that's what's really fueled my urge to write this post- I sometimes like to use my blog as an outlet, since I feel like I can't actually "talk" to anyone in my life, the only way sometimes is to make it into a post which will hopefully open up your eyes, or maybe assure at least one person they aren't alone in what they suffer with. 

Job interviews are all fine and dandy until I sit down and take off my coat. In the situation today, I found myself circled by a few people grilling me with questions, and the lady to the left of me had the best view in the house of the 1 thing I'm really funny about. 
Let's say for 95% of the interview, I could feel her eyes burning into the skin on my arms, I could sense her questions that she wouldn't dare ask because things like this are still so taboo and we're scared to talk about it. 
Although nothing was said, I could see her out of the corner of my eye just staring with a very confused and almost freaked out facial expression. 
I know for a fact when I left that room something will of been mentioned behind my back, I'll of been judged massively and I think it's so unfair that they can be "put off" by something that they know nothing about, it doesn't effect my ability to work or be good at what you want me to do, it's just my skin and this is what I have to live in for the rest of my life.

I hate summer. For the one reason that I can't wear long sleeves and coats to cover up this mess that attracts so much unwanted attention and paranoia- walking around in public in summer, handing over money in shops, it's extremely anxiety provoking because I know 90% of the time I'm being badly judged or looked down upon or laughed at, and its sad that people are still so close minded and arrogant towards this kind of thing. 

I think a lot of people are shocked. I think a lot of people would look at me walking into somewhere and think I'm happy and full of confidence etc, and I just look "normal," but once they see my scars it's like I become instantly alienated. 
It's unfair because I can't help it, I cannot hide my limbs away from the world for the rest of my life, I can't magic them away. I apply bio oil and palmers lotion to help ease the colour, but I think it's going to a point I can't go any further and I have to learn to just live with what I've done, even if it means being an outcast in society for the rest of my life. 

Do I regret doing it? No, not at all. 
They are a part of me, they make me, me. They're in my skin that I live in, and why that seems to effect anyone else is beyond me. 
The stigma that this is "attention seeking" really infuriates me- I have social anxiety, so the very last thing I want is for people to stare at me, to see them pull faces or talk about me, I'd be invisible if I could. 
They don't look nice, they aren't something to be proud of yourself for doing, why would I want anyone to give me attention surrounding them? I want to pretend they aren't there. 


Updated MAC Lipstick Collection (With Swatches)

I'm not going to do a big introductory paragraph because this post is going to be pretty long without one, (I seem to be creating lengthy posts at the moment, I don't know what's up,) commence my updated MAC lipstick collection:

(Amorous, Please Me, Whirl, Antique Velvet, Stone, Ruby Woo, Double Shot) 

Amorous- Funnily enough, even though the first one to talk about, this is actually my least favourite, and I probably won't even wear it again. I hate pink lipsticks on me, they aren't me at all, and I just don't think I suit them and I don't feel great wearing any pink. This is a funny mix of a pinky, purpley with warm undertones- despite not personally loving it, the staying power is insane.

Please Me- Again, another pink I never use anymore. It's honestly a gorgeous, powdery baby pink shade that actually looks nice against my skin tone, it's matte (which is my favourite finish,) but I just don't feel comfortable in pink for some reason, I just don't think it's me. Again, amazing staying power, but because it's matte, it does get very drying after a few hours.

Velvet Teddy- Here we are, the lipstick Kylie Jenner might as well of been paid to advertise, because now everyone and their cat owns Velvet Teddy. Yes it's a gorgeous colour, very easy to wear, long lasting, but I find it to be very drying.

Antique Velvet- Finally, a dark one, much more me, but this time, it's a little too dark for my super pale skin, I adore the colour but this up against my skin instantly makes me look super goth, and again, it makes me really uncomfortable. However, I do still wear this, more on those days I'm in a sassy brave mood and I think 'fuck everyone, fuck this, I love this bloody lipstick.'
It's my favourite finish, matte, and somehow manages to still make my lips look a little bigger than they actually are.

Stone- A very dark, pretty much brown shade, sometimes I love it, sometimes I wonder why I would want brown lips...however this has more of a satin finish, so it feels nourishing on the lips but the pigmentation isn't brilliant- I find that the colour in the center of my lips wears away within 2 hours.

Ruby Woo- My one true red love, the only red I feel I can pull off without looking washed out- I love a little Ruby Woo on Mondays to start my week off with a sassy bold red lip to knock a little more confidence into me. It has very orange undertones, where as a lot of red lipsticks are filled with cool undertones, which is what makes me look like Casper- I'm yet to find a red I love like this and feel great wearing. The downside being, it's so so drying, it's literally a drag to apply because the formula is so dry! It's such a shame, but this does mean it stays put for hours on end.

Double Shot- The newest addition to my family, this is from the 'Amplified' range of lipsticks, which I didn't even know existed if i'm honest. Double Shot drew my in because of it's name if i'm honest, it reminds me of coffee and the shade certainly resembles an espresso. This is probably the least drying MAC lipstick I own- but despite the satin finish the staying power is still amazing. It has very cool undertones which sometimes I think make my skin look even whiter, so I like to use this shade on days I'm wearing a lot of bronzer, a warm blush and warm toned eyes.

(Viva Glam II, Myth, Taupe)

Viva Glam II- My second favourite of the family, without a doubt the most versatile and easy wearing shade I own. I always pair this with a lipliner for the best result. A medium nude with neutral undertones, this creamy formula compliments any make-up look. (I also desperately need to re-purchase.)

Myth- I have a love/hate relationship with Myth, it's hard to love a lipstick that looks like you have your shade of foundation coated on your lips. Some days this washes me out, some days I really love looking washed out and pasty- it completes a really soft, delicate look very well, and I usually pair it with a white dress and a black smokey eye.

Taupe- Yes, my baby, my all time favourite lipstick.  A satin finish that eventually turns out a little more matte, non drying, long lasting, compliments my skin tone, matches every make-up look, yes, yes all the yes. I couldn't be without a Taupe in my life, it's just very 'me.'


(Antique Velvet, Stone, Whirl, Double Shot, Amorous, Ruby Woo)

(Please Me, Myth, Viva Glam II, Velvet Teddy, Taupe)


The Reality Of Being In A Relationship With Mental Health Problems

If you've read any of my other posts on mental health and my experience, you might know I suffer with Borderline Personality Disorder and Social Anxiety, I've dealt with these problems for almost five years, and in that time I've had and lost a lot of relationships due to me behaving in ways people don't understand, it pushes them away and, well, nobody wants to have to deal with it.
I've lost a lot of people that really meant a lot to me because of mental health, so now the thought of letting anyone get close to me or even having feelings for anyone absolutely terrifies me, because I I know for a fact that my crappy health will take over and ruin it, all my happiness will be drawn out and I'll be put back to square one.
A big part of BPD is struggling to maintain good relationships with people, it consists of phases of being extremely clingy, needy and not wanting to let that person go, as well as phases of wanting to distance yourself away from them because you think you don't deserve them, you're scared they're going to hurt you or you're scared your problems will effect them.

My first real long term relationship ended the day after my first ever overdose, the day after I was discharged from hospital my boyfriend text me telling me he couldn't handle it anymore. I remember feeling so empty and alone and full of so much self hatred, because I knew it was me that pushed him away, it was my head and my thoughts and this thing that I just cannot control, and I hate it.
I don't want to be taken to hospital, I don't want to try to kill myself, I don't want to cry in front of you, I don't want you to see me relapse, but I genuinely cannot help myself sometimes because I think when such a thing has taken over your mind for so long, it becomes a huge part of you.
I think my illness has become so much of me over the past 5 years or so, that when I look in a mirror, I don't see a person, I don't see Courtney, I can just see illness. All the bad things I think, feel, all the bad things I've said and done, all the bad things people have done to me, all the nights I've spent in hospital, or police cells, or waiting for blood to dry up so I can fall asleep.
I think and understand completely that if you haven't been through this yourself, it's incredibly hard to understand even the smallest part of how the person you're with is feeling and thinking.
It's really not fair, it's uncontrollable, and BPD ruins 80% of the good things in my life, or completely takes them away- and sometimes just thinking about this makes me burst into tears and want to go back to hospital, I don't want to live a life being controlled by these impulsive thoughts. I want a normal, stable relationship, but it's just not possible.

When my boyfriend asks if I'm okay, it's always yes, even if i'm lying in bed this close to relapsing. Because I know it's pointless telling him I'm not, he can't change my brain chemistry, he can't stop my urges or stupid thoughts, all he can do is feel bad with me, and I already hate myself enough without knowing I keep pulling somebody I love into all of my problems.

Another symptom of BPD is extreme paranoia, which definitley effects my relationships negatively on huge the point that walking around in public makes me feel absolutely horrid.
I'm so paranoid that I'm not enough, that I don't deserve them, that they aren't happy with me, that every (in this case) female I walk past feels like a huge threat- I almost want to blindfold him and make him blind to anyone with a vagina, I look at every girl that walks past and compare myself to them and imagine him with them and how much better they might be. Just such a little, petty thing like this can upset me for days, it can leave me feeling low and angry and even suicidal for days, and he/they will not understand what they've done- but they haven't done ANYTHING, it's just MY stupid head.
Another silly little thing, like if he/they don't hold my hand in public I feel awful, I feel like they're embarrassed to be with me and they don't want anyone to know we're together, and I'm over there thinking, 'please just come here I need you please hold my hand.' Mix this with a racing heart and the other symptoms of social anxiety, and it's just hell.
I'm out say, just shopping with him/ and one minute, I'll be so overjoyed and feel so lucky and blessed and just full of love and happiness, the next minute I could literally be ready to burst into tears because some thought has popped into my head within seconds- and I will let it consume me and eat me up until it's killing me.

Another thing with BPD is anger and confusion, again, this effects things hugely.
I find it so difficult to see the difference between something he/they have done wrong to upset me, to something that my OWN head has created and it's expanded until I'm left feeling helpless.
I'll take it out on them, I'll tell them they're rubbish and they make me want to die, but then an hour later, I'll be like, 'Oh, shit, no, that wasn't them, they didn't do anything wrong, it was my head it was me and they don't understand.' But it's always too late once you've realized, and the damage is done.

And although I'm on anti-depressants, 'low mood' and phases of depression still come around, and I know it's hard for him/them to understand why you're feeling so low, they'll think it's their fault, and it makes the whole thing ten times worse- so sadly, I've just learnt to keep everything bottled up.
Trying to constantly make myself look my best and compete with everyone, trying to make myself good enough desperately, yes, every girl does this, but when your depression is draining the life out of you, and you don't want to get out of bed, never mind do your make-up, this is such a difficult task, that sometimes just seems impossible.

Over all, I think with BPD, there isn't 1 day that goes by where I don't think about killing myself, there isn't 1 day I don't think about hurting myself or doing something reckless and impulsive. I hate the pressure to be 'happy' in a relationship, because in reality, I do not think I will ever be truly happy, because as long as I'm alive, I've got this illness- there's no magical cure, and I've learnt to cope with it to a certain extent, but there's only so much you can do.
Mental illness isn't fair, I don't want to have relationships like this, I just don't want to live like this, and I know people always ask why I don't want to be here, but if you couldn't just feel and think and behave normally, would you?
I'm trying so hard to push myself to be okay for them, but it's exhausting and sometimes I just can't do it, and I'm absolutely terrified of what's going to happen. Over all, I just don't want to hurt him/them, if anyone is going to get hurt, make it me, I'd rather it put me back in hospital than know I've upset anyone, I am an absolute monster. This is what mental illness is, and every scar on my arm tells another story just like this blog post, and I know that I'll only accumulate more.


The Primer Edit - Which One Is For You?

I honestly don't think there's anything beauty wise that makes me as happy as a bloody brilliant primer. I've tried my fair share of high end primers, and today I'm going to break down the good and the bad of each and also rank them best to worst, so if you're looking to make your first primer purchase, this might be for you.

1. Hourglass Mineral Veil Primer, (£52.00.) 
The best primer in all the land, but probably the most expensive- if you can afford it, it's worth it. I got mine as a Christmas present last year and I haven't stopped loving it since. Without a bit of a doubt I would re-purchase, even with my own crappy wage (currently unemployed so lol.)
If you have normal or dry skin, or even combination, this is for you.
If you want flawless, bright skin after you remove your make-up, this is for you.
If you want your make-up to stay put for a good ten hours, this is for you, too.
You'll definitley get your moneys worth, if there's one beauty product on your Christmas list this year, make it this one. It'll give you a flawless base, a glowing poreless finish and make-up that stays where you put it in the morning.

2. Laura Mercier Foundation Primer, Hydrating Formula (£29.00.)
Ranking number two, if you have dry skin or just find that matte foundations cake up on your skin, this ones for you.
A little more purse friendly than the Hourglass option, but not quite as amazing, but still great.
It's super hydrating, but doesn't keep my make up perfectly in place like the Hourglass one does, I use this on days I want a very matte finish by using a lot of powder, just to keep the hydration balanced. However, this primer is definitley the longest lasting, in the way that a pea sized amount fill will do 3/4 of your face, and give an even, decent coverage to all areas. The formula is a little thicker, so I like to use this with heavier coverage foundations, I would never use it with my Chanel Vita Lumiere Aqua, because I think my face would just be like water. Something like the Too Faced Born This Way or Givenchy Photo Perfexion work perfectly.

3. Chanel, Le Blanc De Chanel (£33.00.)
The most illuminating of the bunch, this is great for you with dull skin that needs something to give it a little healthy glow and just generally a little reboot.
Ideal for normal or slightly oily skin, this primer that isn't really advertised as a primer, gives a super soft, glowing silk like base for your foundation, reducing marks, blemishes, or pores- shine? Hm, maybe not so much. It has a water like texture but it's white, it takes seconds to absorb into the skin.
It's 6.5/10 for keeping make up in place, so days I use this as my base I finish off my make-up with Urban Decay Setting Spray. I love it anyway, it makes foundation look amazing. And, well, it's Chanel...

4. Yves Saint Laurent Touche Éclat Blur Primer (£29.50.)
Very thick, moisturizing, and like the name states, blurring.
 Not a huge fan of the thick gel formula, but as a primer, it does a great job.
I only use thick, fuller coverage foundations with this primer because it has such as thick consistency its self- although, it's a strong 8/10 for keeping make up in place, it also delivers a little glow.
I feel like this would be perfect for more mature skin, maybe if you want to blur fine lines or wrinkles, this would be for you. I can imagine it would be horrible with oily skin and totally slide away, but dry or normal, you're set. Again, a little will cover your entire face.

5. NARS Pro-Prime, Pore Refining Primer (£26.00.)
The cheapest so far, but this also reflects in performance. 
It's not super hydrating, nor not hydrating at all, although I do love the consistency of NARS primers the most, a semi thick white liquid that turns into an almost water like invisible potion on my face.
I feel like this would work okay with any skin type, and add an extra few hours to your make up, but not do any dramatic difference. I wouldn't re-purchase this, I'm just struggling to find out what makes it worth the price.

6. Smashbox Photo Finish Primer (£25.50.)
Although this is great for keeping make-up in place, and keeping my skin hydrated, I just hate the texture of it. I hate how gel'y and thick it feels, I hate how it sometimes rolls off my skin with certain moisturisers, it's just too thick. It feels like it's clogging my pores and stopping my face from breathing, and I could never use it with most of my light/medium foundations, I could only imagine this being good for the heaviest of foundations, such as Estee Lauder Double Wear.


5 Reasons You Need A Toner

1. It's great for your skin
A toner will restore your skin back to it's natural pH level after cleansing.
A toner can also help oil control and prevent breakouts.

2. It's super refreshing
When my skins feeling dull even after a fresh face mask, or it just needs something to play with at bedtime, a spritz of toner all over my face makes me feel super clean and refreshed, I love it before bed and before I do my make-up. It's a super quick pick me up, can't be bothered to sit and peel away at a face mask? This is your new best friend when you're feeling lazy.

3. It removes the make-up you thought you'd removed
After cleansing, even with the best of cleansers, if you spray toner onto a cotton pad and rub it all over your face, I guarantee it'll pick up some dirt, and you thought your face was clean? Not until you've applied your toner.

4. It's an extra boost of hydration
It's Winter, and you're skins starting to dry up and your usual moisturiser just isn't doing enough for you anymore, choose a hydrating toner for an extra boost of hydration, I recommend the Elemis Hydrating Toner is put to use during the colder months when your skin isn't so happy.

5. They make your face smell fresh 
Toners always have a really soothing, refreshing scent to them, and I find that the scent lingers on my face for quite a long time. This Tea Tree Water toner from Lush in particular, the smell of Tea Tree (to me anyway,) is extremely soothing, it reminds me of cleanliness and freshness and makes my skin feel the same way.


October Favourites

A very early October favourites I'm aware, and this is actually my first ever favourites post since I started my blog February this year. I never really notice when I'm buying new things and in what time I'm using and loving them, but over the past 2 weeks I've been noticing what new things I've picked up and how much I've religiously used them, so, October favourites, commence.

It's a very pink load of stuff, let's start with 1 of the 3 pink cans. 
I don't know if it's weird to have an all time favourite deodorant, but this one is 100% mine. The Sure "Bright Bouquet" deodorant gives off an amazing smell of strawberry and apricot, it smells like it literally could be a perfume, I'm getting through the can very very quickly because I just love lathering this all over and being able to smell it throughout the day. 

Another amazingly scented product in a can I've been loving is the Got2b 2sexy push up hairspray. You know those hairsprays that just smell like stale urine? This is the complete opposite, it smells mega fruity and sweet, I've tried my fair share of hairsprays and this smells the best by far. It doesn't have extremely good hold but that's not something I really need, i would rather my hair smell good. 

Finally, the Batiste dry shampoo in the cherry scent. Recently re-packaged, so this now looks as good as it smells. There's not much else to say, we all know what a dry shampoo is, this one just so happens to smell extra nice. 

Away from things you can spray, is my new phone case. This doesn't smell great, but it looks great. I hunted all over for this Skinny Dip London case, it was sold out everywhere for every phone model until apart from a few remaining on the John Lewis website, ( I had NO idea they stocked Skinny Dip.) 
If this isn't the cutest case ever then I don't know what is, I absolutely love it. It's super quirky and fun and the googly eyes keep me far too entertained.

Last but certainly not least, I have been in love with this new blush from Hourglass in the shade "Incandescent Electra."
The pigmentation, packaging, long lasting, just everything- I can't find anything to fault. and although it's probably a more summer/spring cheek shade, I love and wear it to death never the less. 


A Must Have Cream For Sensitive Skin

I used to be a huge Lush fan, but when I horribly discovered I have very sensitive skin both on my face and body, I cowered away from the brand for years completely- literally just walking past the shop would make me itch! All the scents got my skin crawling.
As I mentioned in my previous Lush haul post, I picked up a load of face masks which I have been absolutely loving, alongside this 'Dream Cream.'
You can't usually turn me away from my usual Palmers body moisturiser, but this has pleasantly surprised me.

The first 'good sign' was that the scent was barely noticeable, which isn't like Lush at all, (which is probably why I enjoy it so much.)
The cream is very thin and water like, so it spreads out pretty nicely and really cools and leaves my skin feeling fresh and soft. The whole thing just reminds me of a yogurt, the colour, smell and texture.
Both my face and body are loving this cream- although it's not quite moisturizing enough for my face in Winter when it starts to get dry because it does absorb very quickly and leaves nothing behind on the skin like my more intense moisturisers.
If I have any irritated parts of skin, I lather a generous layer of this on and my skin is restored back to it's usual self.

I expected irritation and problems using this cream, but it's been a good 2 weeks and so far, so good, it's all clear and it's giving me results I never expected from the shop that once made me shiver. (Maybe it's just the bath bombs...)


Autumn MAC Purchases

Over a week ago now I purchased some new bits from MAC. I intended just to purchase the Cranberry eyeshadow for Autumn but I had to pay for delivery if I didn't add something else, so, why not? 

I'm a huge fan of the cult favourite Soft and Gentle highlighter from MAC, but I've hit pan massively with mine and therefore I needed to refresh. This time I went for Global Glow instead of being boring and just re-purchasing the same old. I'm not mad about Global Glow because it's pretty orangey and my pale skin isn't the best match for it- but it's still a gorgeous highlight and would work wonders on tanned skin. Light application and some blending make this work out a little better on my lily white complexion. 

I also picked up yet another lipstick, this time from the "Amplified" range of shades which i had never actually heard of before. I chose the shade Double Shot, and I must admit it was the name that dragged me in because I'm a huge coffee fan and it reminds me of getting several double espressos on a weekday morning. The staying power of this lipstick is as good as it gets, it lasted 7 hours with 1 re-application, which was purely because my lips started to feel dried up. The pigmentation is crazy good, delivering a very dark nude almost brown shade. Very autumnal I think. 

Last but certainly not least, my favourite purchase was the Cranberry eyeshadow.  I've seen so many bloggers and YouTube beauty gurus talk about this shade for this time of year, and I can't believe it's took me this long to get my hands on it, it's not me at ALL and I would not usually wear any shadow but browns and golds but I surprisingly really like this! It's certainly a change from my usual look and at first I wasn't sure if I could pull it off, but I've fallen in love with it's plummy berry ways and I turn to this almost everyday, experimenting with golds and silvers to mix with it.


An Autumn Lip I Can Actually Get Away With

If you have really dark hair and pale skin like myself, you'll know the struggle of trying to rock a dark lip without looking like you're going to work in Doc Black and paint the word Rawr on your hand.
I love dark lipsticks and sometimes I really wish I had light hair so I could buy the hundreds I love, some people can get away with dark hair and dark lips and not look really gothy, I envy all those people because I'm certainly not one of them.
When it comes to Autumn and I'm seeing all of these plummy dark lips coming out it really gets me searching for a darker combination for my lips that looks Autumnal but doesn't totally wash me out at the same time. (A very hard task.)

To do this impossible task I've settled for a combination of Yves Saint Laurent Rouge Volupte Shine  in shade 2, 'Pourpre Intouchable' (£26.00) and it's currently sold out on the YSL website. Paired with the Bare Minerals Marvelous Moxie lipliner in the shade Electrified
The lipstick is a 'pinky plummy purpley berry' shade with cool undertones, what makes this look less dark and gothic on me is that it's extremely glossy, the gloss stays put for a long period of time and even when it fades a plummy stain is left on my lips until I top up.
The high shine of the lipstick also gives a little more of a feminine edge to an all dark outfit, whilst also making a bold statement. 


Lush Skincare Haul

It's not new news that I'm obsessed with looking after my skin, I've always had a good routine full of good products and it's certainly paid off, proven by the fact I only get about 3 spots a year, probably hormonal. 
All my skincare was running extremely low and it was time to stock up on a new cleanser, toner, mask and moisturiser. I had tried a sample of the Oskia Renaissance Cleansing Gel from Space Nk and loved it, so that was the cleanser in question, which I'll review separately later on. 

I've avoided Lush products for a very long time, fearing they'll upset my sensitive skin, but when I saw that they'd released a coffee scented mask, I just thought why not? The worst that could happen is that I'll go red for a while and burn and I could wash it off. I usually only trust skincare from Space Nk. so this is a huge move for me, it'll also be a money saving one if they work well.

But thank GOD that isn't the case at all, I came home after work, applied my Oskia gel and then went in first with the Mask Of Magnaminty I wanted to try this first because it's the largest pot, and I've seen so many YouTubers such as JustJodes talk about how much they love it.
This mask was so refreshing, it felt like it totally deeply cleansed my skin and drew out loads of rubbish, my skin was left super cool, soft and my pores had minimized. This mask also has an amazing soothingly cool scent and it didn't irritate my face at all.
I applied this to my body in the bath the following night and again, I felt incredibly clean and soft and refreshed, it didn't fire up any irritation at all which I am extremely pleasantly surprised about. This mask reminds me a lot of the REN Invisible Pores Detox Mask. It's a thick green paste that should be left on for 10-15 minutes.

Next I grabbed the Cupcake mask out of the fridge, which again is a thick brown paste that literally looks like somebody smothered poo all over your face, but it smells much nicer. This is the mask that I think has the least effect, it didn't make any noticeable change, but it's just a nice mask to apply but I'm not overly impressed, thankfully I only got the small tub of this.

Another from the fridge is Catastrophe Cosmetic, a thinner texture and the ingredients make it smell and feel really cool and refreshing. It feels like it really soothes my skin and I feel like it would be a great mask to apply if your face was burning up or irritated. It's also the easiest to wash off and the least exfoliating, it's very gentle. Again, it left my face feeling clean, smooth and generally just with a nicer texture. I feel like this mask will be a joy to apply when I'm hungover to really perk my skin back up and restore it back to tip-top condition.

Last but certainly not least, a new mask from Lush and my second favourite of the bunch, Cup' O Coffee.  
I am a huge coffee lover, so the smell of this makes me so happy, it smells like super strong coffee like the type you'd find at Starbucks. (Which makes me even happier.)
This is very exfoliating, it feels like it almost removes a layer of old skin and brings out this fresh and much softer new one.
It can feel very rough because of all the coffee grains in it that act as the exfoliant, but it didn't irritate my face because I ensured I washed it off as gently as possible.

Of course, I could not do a Lush haul at this time of year and NOT buy a bottle of the Snow Fairy shower gel, this is a must have and I ensure I get a bottle every year. If you haven't tried this yet, go and get it. This is the most incredibly smelling shower gel you'll ever use I promise.

I'm a sucker for Tea Tree products, it's one of those things you love or hate. Although this toner 'Tea Tree Water,' is for spot prone skin and that's not my skin at all, I got it anyway just because I love Tea Tree and I haven't had anything with it in for a long time.
This bottle is huge so it's going to last me a log time, I like to freshen up with a little spritz in the middle of the day, and I apply it with a cotton pad at night when I go through with my skincare routine. It's incredibly refreshing, it's like a breath of fresh air for your skin and even after cleansing it manages to draw out more rubbish. I do wish it was a little more moisturizing but I did chose this knowing it wasn't for my skin type anyway.

Last, but certainly not least, I picked up Dream Cream, which is sold as a body and hand lotion but I have been loving it as a facial moisturiser aswell.
I have a post just solely about this amazing cream coming soon so I won't talk anymore about it here because this post is long enough.


5 Reasons Why You Need The Emma Hardie Moringa Cleansing Balm

1. It melts away effortlessly, any amount of make up.
On a daily basis at work, I wear a full face of make up, from primer to false lashes and everything possible in-between, I don't dread trying to force mascara or layers of eyeshadow off at the end of a day because I know this makes it such an easy, pleasurable job, it makes coming home and taking my make up off something to look forward to. No eye make-up remover needed, this does it all for you. No scrubbing or frantically rubbing any areas, this balm to oil product just melts it away until it's disappeared. It's all very easily wiped away with the (gorgeous) muslin cloth included when you buy.

2. It smells amazing.
This product is incredibly aroma-therapeutic (Is that a word? It is now.)
It smells insanely gorgeous to the point I'd literally wear this as a perfume if I could, but don't worry, despite the scent it does not irritate the skin at all, I have super sensitise skin and I can assure you it's done me no harm. It's an incredibly soothing, calming clean smell, the kind of smell you'd experience in a really nice spa whilst getting a massage. The smell lingers on my face well after cleansing too!

3. It lasts a very long time.
I've had my tub since the end of January! It's now October and I'm onto my last few uses!
A little goes a long way with this balm, because add a drop of water and the oil spreads all over your face in a reasonable layer. I have the smaller tub which is around £35-£37 and it's lasted most of this year, so if you went ahead and bought the bigger tub for the £50+ mark, you'd probably be well set for cleansing and hydration treatment for a year.

4. It can be used as a facial treatment/overnight mask.
Not only are you getting an amazing cleanser, you're getting a treatment.
When my skins feeling de-hydrated and dull I put on a thin layer of the balm without adding water and I'll leave it on from anywhere from two hours to all night until I wake up. It quenches my skins thirst overnight in the winter when it becomes more dry and keeps it looking glowy and fresh.
(Also, sleeping or just sitting around all day on a Sunday with this on your face is a dream)

5. It's super hydrating and deep cleaning. 
Whether you use it as a thick layer of balm, or add water and use it as an oil, it's full of hydration and my skin just loves to soak it all up. I feel like my skin is thanking me whenever I massage this in and I can both feel and see the difference. My face feels so clean and fresh after I wash it away with the muslin cloth, it feels like it can breathe again and it's just left so soft and smooth.


What's Playing? #1

I really love music, it genuinely gets me by and it's the only thing I can fully relate to in my many different moods and states of mind. I love a bit of every genre from pop to metal to rap, here's a list of the songs I have been obsessed with towards the ending of September and still ongoing into October.
(Not in any particular order, just as they've played on through my playlist.)

1. Biffy Clyro - The Thaw & Whorses & Opposite
I've known of Biffy for as long as I can remember, I loved them and listened everyday all day when I was around 15 and I've recently fell back in love. The ACCENT though.

2. Maroon 5- This Summer
Really feel good and upbeat, a little summery considering the current month but it's just recently been released which is strange- but never the less I love a good Maroon 5 song, they never get old.

3. Drake - Hotline Bling
Well this requires no explanation, it's Drake and it's fabulous and really catchy.

4. The Front Bottoms - Santa Monica
A small band that deserve more recognition, they make sad lyrics sound happy so they're relateable in a really pathetically funny way. They're the type of sound you either love or hate. I love.

5. Kate Nash - Mouthwash
I watched a vlog of Zoe & Alfie singing along to this together in their car and I found myself singing this all day afterwards.

6. Gorgon City & Zak Abel - Unmissable
This is really a 'tune,' ultra feel good and good for Friday nights and drinking with. I think it's mega vibey and reminds me of a beach party.

7. Bring Me The Horizon - Doomed & Follow You
I am utterly in love with the new album from BMTH named 'That's The Spirit', they've went a lot pop'ier with this one but they still have their edge, the songs are really relatable and have the most beautiful lyrics that I feel I can really connect with in both positive and negative ways.

8. Amy Winehouse - Back To Black I don't know, I just can't stop singing this, and every time it comes on shuffle I think I'm on X-Factor.

9. Justin Bieber - What Do You Mean
WHO doesn't' love this right now? I've never liked Justin or any other of his songs but this has changed everything, such an infectious repetitive song that just makes me want to dance around in my room. Again, there's a really good chilled out vibe to this.

10. Calvin Harris - How Deep Is Your LoveLOVE the bass to this that jumps around my headphones, it's super catchy and repetitive. Super dancy, upbeat and feel good. I like to play this on a morning and sing to perk myself up.  It just reminds me of having too much vodka and slut dropping in a bar in town on a Friday.

What have you been listening to recently?


Feeling Lost

Happy October! (this is mad.)
Not such a happy post for starting off the month but I find myself feeling lost a lot more than I feel like I've got everything together and I suppose this post is both to let that out and hopefully someone might re-assure me I'm not the only one and I can stop worrying so much.

I get super stressed out about the fact I'm not doing what everybody is doing, I'm not on the path I was hoping for and this isn't what I planned out. I should be doing my second year of A levels looking at which university I want to go to and move away for a while, that was always the plan. I wanted to study a psychiatry and counselling course at university somewhere pretty far away and I was always really excited about that and having a career (hopefully) in that area.

I'm not at college, I'm not doing my A-levels and i can't go to university without any qualifications from college obviously, so I'll never get the job I really wanted which is really horrible to come to terms with.
My back up plan was to work in fashion or make-up but again, I haven't gained any qualifications in either area even though I love and have a passion for both. I would be so happy and grateful for a career in fashion but it's just not going to happen now because I've made the wrong choices due to ill mental health issues.

I'm really sick and tired of watching everyone talk about moving to university and getting results and it honestly gets me down so much because that's what I SHOULD be doing, and I COULD of been doing if i had not let my mental health get the better of me, I should of been stronger, tried harder and kept going. I did the opposite and I totally regret it and kick myself for it.

I'm stuck in a really rubbish full time job that I have no interest in what so ever, it's really boring and my days drag, I have no interest in what I'm supposed to be here for. This is also bugging me because I've always said happiness first, and I've been thinking  a LOT recently about quitting.
If I quit, I could take another year off and look for a job again later, or I could get myself back to college before I'm too old and it's too late to gain any qualifications (without paying a fortune.) If I went back to college ideally I'd study something fashion related or something that would go towards helping me to get into counselling at uni, my social anxiety is the biggest barrier and probably the only thing stopping me. My phobia of classrooms and people is even larger than my phobia of spiders, as soon as I step foot in a classroom I start to panic and I feel extremely uncomfortable around people my age.

I really hate that qualifications are the be all and end all of everything and without them you're really running low on chances and options.
I don't know, can somebody just reassure me I'm not the only one over-thinking this and give me some advice? I can't sleep at night.

(Also happy #Blogtober!
I really want to attempt this challenge to blog everyday in October, I highly doubt I will succeed but I'll try my best.)

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