SHOP MY WARDROBE

BTS: QUITTING BLOGGING? LIFE, QUARTER LIFE CRISIS?



I’ve recently been struggling with everything, from my blog to my mental health, everything seems to be getting on top of me and I feel very out of control and pretty helpless. I felt like writing all of this down and sharing my ‘behind the scenes,’ might help me become motivated or even just assure someone else they aren’t alone. Although, I do feel like I’m the only one going through all of this and I probably won’t explain it properly.

First of all, I do love my blog, I’ve been blogging for a year and a half now and I think my progress is good, I’m happy with how my follower count has risen and how the general look of my blog has progressed. I love interacting with you all in the comments, I love getting great feedback or seeing a post get hundreds of views in a day, it all makes it worthwhile.
Recently I’ve had very little or no motivation at all to write, as much as I love getting new content up and out there, I just can’t bring myself to do it and to be honest I have literally no ideas right now. There are no posts drafted, no photos taken, there’s just no drive there. Yes, I’ve tried, I’ve looked for post ideas, but none of them seem good enough for me, I’ve sat with an empty post up staring at the screen, I’ve sat looking into my makeup collection hoping ideas would jump out at me, but nope.
I’ve been so unhappy with my last few posts, and I think it’s because the way I’m feeling is really showing in them, and if I can see it, so can my audience, and now my audience is growing, there’s no time for half-hearted shitty posts. So I am now at a point where I’m thinking about giving all of this up completely, but I’m too worried I’ll massively regret it. 

Something else that’s been really bugging me for months now is this whole, ‘who am I what am I doing,’ thing. I feel like I live so many separate lives.
I feel like on social media and my blog, I’m someone, and in real life I’m something else, I have days I scroll through my Twitter and think, ‘this isn’t even me, this is all to look professional for blogging.’
I feel like I see so many different types and styles of people, in the way they look and the way they come across, and I’m just not 100% sure where I fit in, in-fact, I don’t fit in anywhere, and I think the fact I have zero friends ‘in real life,’ proves that. 
I'm really struggling with finding and being sure of my personal style, both in regards to the way I dress to the way I act, I just never seem to want to be the 'same,' person for more than a week. 
I am extremely unhappy with myself at the moment, more than I have ever been, the amount of self hatred I'm full of isn't healthy, and I constantly feel confused and my thoughts are always conflicted.  I've had some really bad mental health crisis' recently, all of which have been around my fiancĂ©, (Callum) and he's the only person in the world that has half an understanding of how horrible I feel about myself. 
My weight isn't good enough, my make up isn't good enough, my style isn't good enough, my body isn't good enough, my blog isn't good enough, nothing.

My social media surrounds me with powerful, strong and 'together,' women, who are all girl boss and full of confidence and work ethic etc, and I look up to every single one of them.
I just want to be sure of myself, sure of my style, what I stand for, and sure of where my future is going and who is in my life. I want my mental health to be better, everything just needs to be so much better but it all seems so impossible. I suppose a big factor is being scared too, scared of peoples judgments and worrying about people not liking me, which probably stems from the bullying I encountered
 during my school years.
I do hope you're all okay, though.

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