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MENTAL HEALTH

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HAULS

CHRISTMAS, FEATURING MENTAL HEALTH


Christmas, the time of year we're all expected to be jolly, excited and generally happy.
Of course, that is sometimes easier said than done, yes, it is a wonderful time of year, I really love Christmas myself, but when you've got a battle going on in your brain it can be really overwhelming and difficult to behave and feel how you're 'expected' to.
I think the most important thing I want to tell anyone from this post, is that, just because it's Christmas, it doesn't mean your problems and your thoughts and feelings go away for the day- they don't take a holiday. When I wake up on Christmas morning, my depression and anxiety will be very much still there, my anxiety especially, but don't get me wrong, I am still very excited to wake up and start the festive day.

First of all for example, comes dressing for Christmas day. I can't wear a dress or pretty tops, and everyone will ask why i'm wearing a big fluffy onesie.
It's to cover all of the self harming scars on my arms, my family don't know about my struggle with self harm yet and i'm pretty sure Christmas day isn't the day to be announcing something like that.
I hate wearing a onesie on Christmas day, I get hot and sweaty, I get flustered, I worry about photos, I feel like everyone is judging me, it's just not nice at all, I want to wear a skimpy little party dress and feel good about myself just for one day. I can't.

Anxiety is my biggest problem at Christmas, you're surrounded by people constantly, having to socialise and be watched.
I love getting gifts, but my God do I hate opening them when everyone is watching! I get so sweaty and shaken up and then I begin to worry that everyone can see that too.
If my mood drops during the day due to my depression, I'll always get told off for being 'ungrateful,' and 'spoilt' and miserable- and I suppose that's what it looks like, but it feels horrific to feel that way and I can't do anything about it.

Please if you know anyone with mental health problems who may struggle next Friday, please show them some love, support and understanding. Don't get angry with them if they're texting you telling you they feel like crying, chances are, they're wishing they could feel 'normal.' There is so much pressure to be 'okay' at Christmas, and sometimes it can be impossible.

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