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Feeling Lost


Happy October! (this is mad.)
Not such a happy post for starting off the month but I find myself feeling lost a lot more than I feel like I've got everything together and I suppose this post is both to let that out and hopefully someone might re-assure me I'm not the only one and I can stop worrying so much.

I get super stressed out about the fact I'm not doing what everybody is doing, I'm not on the path I was hoping for and this isn't what I planned out. I should be doing my second year of A levels looking at which university I want to go to and move away for a while, that was always the plan. I wanted to study a psychiatry and counselling course at university somewhere pretty far away and I was always really excited about that and having a career (hopefully) in that area.

I'm not at college, I'm not doing my A-levels and i can't go to university without any qualifications from college obviously, so I'll never get the job I really wanted which is really horrible to come to terms with.
My back up plan was to work in fashion or make-up but again, I haven't gained any qualifications in either area even though I love and have a passion for both. I would be so happy and grateful for a career in fashion but it's just not going to happen now because I've made the wrong choices due to ill mental health issues.

I'm really sick and tired of watching everyone talk about moving to university and getting results and it honestly gets me down so much because that's what I SHOULD be doing, and I COULD of been doing if i had not let my mental health get the better of me, I should of been stronger, tried harder and kept going. I did the opposite and I totally regret it and kick myself for it.

I'm stuck in a really rubbish full time job that I have no interest in what so ever, it's really boring and my days drag, I have no interest in what I'm supposed to be here for. This is also bugging me because I've always said happiness first, and I've been thinking  a LOT recently about quitting.
If I quit, I could take another year off and look for a job again later, or I could get myself back to college before I'm too old and it's too late to gain any qualifications (without paying a fortune.) If I went back to college ideally I'd study something fashion related or something that would go towards helping me to get into counselling at uni, my social anxiety is the biggest barrier and probably the only thing stopping me. My phobia of classrooms and people is even larger than my phobia of spiders, as soon as I step foot in a classroom I start to panic and I feel extremely uncomfortable around people my age.

I really hate that qualifications are the be all and end all of everything and without them you're really running low on chances and options.
I don't know, can somebody just reassure me I'm not the only one over-thinking this and give me some advice? I can't sleep at night.

(Also happy #Blogtober!
I really want to attempt this challenge to blog everyday in October, I highly doubt I will succeed but I'll try my best.)


4 comments:

  1. I don't think qualifications are the be all and end all - theres things like apprenticeships, or very small btec classes with sometimes up to 2 people only and you can do them in fashion, make up artistry or anything you want really! Maybe you could look at some of those? I do feel for you very much, as I too suffer with anxiety and it can suck a lot! I hope you find happiness soon - keep going theres always other options!:)

    Lucy | www.foreverseptemberr.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Thank you so much for your support Lucy :-)x

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  2. I feel you! I really wish I hadn't of chosen the course I did at college (even though it was a great experience and I learned a LOT) I wish I had done a course food. I really want to work in the catering industry but thats never gonna happen and i'm well over the age to have free courses at college. I too am suck in a full time job that i HATE, with a fiery burning passion.. but you know, i've got bills to pay :(

    www.laurcaud.co.uk / Lifestyle Blog, I'm also doing blogtober :)

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    1. Oh God my biggest fear being stuck for life in a job I hate :(x

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