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A Walking Trigger Warning


I had a job interview this morning, and I suppose that's what's really fueled my urge to write this post- I sometimes like to use my blog as an outlet, since I feel like I can't actually "talk" to anyone in my life, the only way sometimes is to make it into a post which will hopefully open up your eyes, or maybe assure at least one person they aren't alone in what they suffer with. 

Job interviews are all fine and dandy until I sit down and take off my coat. In the situation today, I found myself circled by a few people grilling me with questions, and the lady to the left of me had the best view in the house of the 1 thing I'm really funny about. 
Let's say for 95% of the interview, I could feel her eyes burning into the skin on my arms, I could sense her questions that she wouldn't dare ask because things like this are still so taboo and we're scared to talk about it. 
Although nothing was said, I could see her out of the corner of my eye just staring with a very confused and almost freaked out facial expression. 
I know for a fact when I left that room something will of been mentioned behind my back, I'll of been judged massively and I think it's so unfair that they can be "put off" by something that they know nothing about, it doesn't effect my ability to work or be good at what you want me to do, it's just my skin and this is what I have to live in for the rest of my life.

I hate summer. For the one reason that I can't wear long sleeves and coats to cover up this mess that attracts so much unwanted attention and paranoia- walking around in public in summer, handing over money in shops, it's extremely anxiety provoking because I know 90% of the time I'm being badly judged or looked down upon or laughed at, and its sad that people are still so close minded and arrogant towards this kind of thing. 

I think a lot of people are shocked. I think a lot of people would look at me walking into somewhere and think I'm happy and full of confidence etc, and I just look "normal," but once they see my scars it's like I become instantly alienated. 
It's unfair because I can't help it, I cannot hide my limbs away from the world for the rest of my life, I can't magic them away. I apply bio oil and palmers lotion to help ease the colour, but I think it's going to a point I can't go any further and I have to learn to just live with what I've done, even if it means being an outcast in society for the rest of my life. 

Do I regret doing it? No, not at all. 
They are a part of me, they make me, me. They're in my skin that I live in, and why that seems to effect anyone else is beyond me. 
The stigma that this is "attention seeking" really infuriates me- I have social anxiety, so the very last thing I want is for people to stare at me, to see them pull faces or talk about me, I'd be invisible if I could. 
They don't look nice, they aren't something to be proud of yourself for doing, why would I want anyone to give me attention surrounding them? I want to pretend they aren't there. 


8 comments

  1. Don't be ashamed of your scars, there is no reason to hide them because they are beautiful reminders of how strong you actually are.
    I really don't get it why people are so judgemental about literally everything. Like, why not to mind your own business and stop pretending to be 'perfect' or knowing how to do everything the right way???

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    1. I agree, in a way I do love them and some days I feel more positive about them and what they say but I think it's people outside that make me feel really wrong for having them, thank you!

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  2. This is such a touching post. If people are going to be narrow minded, let them. It is their loss if you don't get the job because of them. Everyone has a story and it shouldn't affect people's opinions of others

    Lauren x | www.laurenapowers.blogspot.com

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    1. Thank you so much for your support Lauren it's highly appreciated X

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  3. This post has really made me thought. Don't be ashamed of your scars, as a society we should judge others of their pasts
    Hannah | Heyitshannaah

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  4. I've been suffering with anxiety and depression for a pretty long time now, and where i live it is definitely difficult to get support. I am on the highest dose of my anti-depressants and i'm finally at a place where i can say i'm doing OK. I've got faded scars all over my body however these don't bother me too much, however i've got one scar on my upper arm that has stuck-it's been a year and its still as prominent as what i was then. I hate summer. Short sleeves and swimsuits are a no-go as i don't have the confidence to show it.
    If you need someone to talk to, just give me a message- i'm here to listen.

    Tatum x
    http://anawkward-blog.blogspot.co.uk

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    1. Aw thank you Chick, same applies, you're gorgeous anyway xx

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