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category 2
MENTAL HEALTH

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HAULS

What is Recovery?


I often find myself asking myself what recovery really is, if it's actually achievable and how do you know when you're 'recovered?'
It's a word that's used a lot regarding mental health and as much as I like to think I am in recovery, sometimes it all gets a little too overwhelming.

How do I know when I've recovered?
I've got several mental health problems and surely I can't just wake up one day and say "oh hey I'm recovered I have no mental health problems," it just isn't possible, which lead me to thinking that there isn't any such thing as recovery, or being completely recovered, I think once you have a mental health problem, you're dealing with it for life, it just seems like you're getting better because you're getting used to living with it.
I wouldn't know how to live without my mental health issues, I wouldn't be me and I get really scared about recovering sometimes because as much as I despise them and they've ruined my life, I couldn't ever push a button that would rid me of them completely.
I suppose it's sad that I've learnt how to live like this and I don't know any better, there just so happens to be easier days and harder days, and it's when a line of easy days comes along you think you're getting somewhere, until 1 bad day comes along to knock you back to square 1.

I always say things such as depression are like cancer, but cancer of the mind.
You can't see it, you can't always see physical signs, it takes lives and there's no cure.
Like cancer, there's treatment, like talking therapy and medication, but no actual cure, it can only be controlled and managed to a certain point,

Some days I get extremely upset and angry with myself because I feel like if I am 'in recovery,' that I am cheating.
I always wanted to get better and be happy on my own terms, but I cannot do that, It's been shown and proved and I hate that, I have to rely on anti-depressants and Propranol for anxiety every single day, without them I couldn't get out of bed and keep myself together, and that really gets to me that I can't live 'normally.'

So the question is, is this it? Is this is far as I can go? Is this me recovered? Because I don't feel happy or normal at all- I feel like getting better doesn't really exist, but learning the 'live with it' skill is the only option.

2 comments

  1. For me, normal is just learning how to live with my mental illness. I don't think i ever will fully recover, I'll just have to learn with how to deal with it. I just think of it as everyone has problems but some greater than others do so we just have to learn with it as that's the only means for survival xx

    http://www.perks0fbeingnazia.blogspot.co.uk

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. I hate to believe that's reality because it's sad and such a horrible thought that those issues will always be with you x

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